I watch Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel. I would like to say it is because I have small children so I have to, but they aren’t that small anymore. Okay, I watch those channels a lot. One might even call it an addiction. It’s almost like being an alcoholic. Yes, I watch Disney Channel to make myself feel better. Yes, I watch Disney Channel when I’m by myself. Yes, I am ashamed of my Disney Channel watching. Yes, I hide my Disney Channel watching from others. But there is no support group that I know of for that. Sometimes, my wife will come in and proclaim to the family “NO MORE DISNEY CHANNEL!” So we change the channel. Then, a commercial comes on for some wiener cream, and it’s right back to the Disney Channel. Now to the point.
10 THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM THE DISNEY CHANNEL AND NICKELODEON
1. No matter how bratty or how much trouble a child gets into, just wait it out. They will do the right thing in 28 minutes.
2. As long as no one looks directly at you, it is possible to move large mammals around hotels undetected.
3. It is always safe to let small children roam around large cities freely and unchaperoned.
4. All kidnapping laws are null and void as long as a mascot costume is involved.
5. Similar to Superman, a wig will make your face and voice virtually unrecognizable to even your closest friends.
6. When it comes to sneaking out, anything from a Biology skeleton to a stack of books can be passed off for a sleeping kid as long as there is a baseball cap on it.
7. It is perfectly normal for students to have a much closer relationship to their principal than to their parents, grandparents, or siblings.
8. Friends always have every class together including lunch and it makes no difference if there is a large gap in age or intelligence.
9. Potbelly pigs make great cappucinos.
10. You can fit numerous coats, 1 small table, 1 ironing board, 1 big screen t.v., 1 bed, 2 chamber maids, 2 room service waiters, 1 carpet installer, 1 delivery guy, 1 masseuse, 3 friends, and 2 brothers in a 6 by 6 3/4 foot closet.