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Friday, September 9, 2011

Illinois Weather

Don't be alarmed everyone.   I'm sure like me, you were wondering what this strange, clear liquid was coming down from the Heavens.  Well, I looked it up on dictionary.com and it's apparently. . .


rain

  [reyn]  Show IPA
noun
1.
The wet shit that used to fall from the sky in Illinois in drops more than 1 50  in.(0.5 mm) in diameter. Compare drizzle def. 6 .


Supposedly, my surroundings should look like this occasionally...


And less like my yard looks when the jolly fat man dishes out the good gifts...


Don't get me wrong, I have not missed the mowing one bit.  I seriously think I have been spot mowing since mid July.  I fully expect camera crews to show up to start filming Charlotte's Web 2 on my lawn mower. 


I knew there was at least a sprinkle of rain, though, because the dog was looking to burrow his head under any piece of furniture he could find.  On a more annoying note, he came and whimpered to me to go out as I'm typing this.  I got up to let him out and he just stood there staring at me like I was crazy to think that he would step one foot out there with a potential to get one drip on his fur.  So after a few mutterings of "dickhead", I gave up and sat back down to type.  On the walk back to the laptop, I could feel him on my heels.  Sure enough, the second I sat down, there he was whining to go out again.  Evidently, in the 4 seconds it took for me to get back to the couch, he mustered up the courage to risk getting misted on for the sake of not shitting in the house.  What a testament to courage.  After some "son of a bitch" name calling (he was not offended; apparently this isn't an insult to a dog), I got back up and let him out.  This bout of bravery reminded me of when our neighbor came in to retrieve a spare house key for my wife and our "watch" dog at the top of the stairs raised his head, gave her a blurry, squinty eyed glance and then laid his head back down.  Evidently, somebody needs to explain the "watch" part to him a little better.  Now,  back to the story.  Of course, when he came back in, he had muddy feet.  I haven't seen that all summer, except for 1 time when I backwashed the pool filter.  Now he's deaf so he can't hear me yelling at him to stop and wait for me to wipe off his feet with the towel we keep by the door.  He used to just automatically stop and wait on his own (which was actually kind of cute), but it's been so long now, I think he's forgotten.  Don't you just love Illinois weather?  This is an actual screen shot of the Clinton, Il forecast last week.


100 degrees one day (in SEPTEMBER mind you) and then 2 days later, only 78.  This is the definition of "WTF?".  I'm just gonna put on my winter jacket and shorts and be done with it.





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