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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

National Shitty Bank (Bad Customer Service #3)

This was our first house together as man and wife.  If you can call it a house.  It was a rental.

Yes, we were trailer folk, not trash.  Yes, there is a trailer in there amidst all of that foliage somewhere.  Could be an "ISpy", couldn't it?  It did not look like this when we lived there.  It was actually clean but very, very small.  How small was it?  We had to go outside to change our minds.  Ba dump bump bump.  Honestly, a twin bed frame did not fit in our bedroom.  We just had to put the mattress on concrete blocks.  Luckily, we only lived here for about 6 months and then moved on to bigger and better.

This was a very nice house and fit us well.  We lived here for about 5 years but then got the itch for something a little bigger and a little less mouse friendly.  I'm not talking cute Disney talking mouses either but disgusting poop (he called da shit "poop") happy rodents.  So, I found us the perfect house and we bought it.  What an exciting time in a young family's life.  Not so exciting was making that new house payment.  Reluctantly, I mailed it off anyways.  It was quite a bit more than our first house but we had the money.

  A few weeks later, I skipped to the mailbox to retrieve the mail.  Okay, I didn't skip but doesn't the world need more skipping?  I thumbed through the mail on my way back to the house and was confused by one particular item.  There was my house payment that I had sent but was now returned with "loan not processed" written on the check.  I was confused so I talked to my loan officer from National City and he told me to just hold onto it and mail it with my next one.  He assured me that I was not being penalized.  So, it came time for my next house payment and I mailed off 2 of them on time.  Another couple weeks went by and guess what came back?  You guessed it.  It was both house payments with "loan not processed" written on it.  Now, I was losing patience.  How long was this going to go on, 6 months or more?  Then would I be handed a bill for $10,000.  I did not want to have to keep hanging onto this money, month after month.  I was pretty frustrated by this point and my loan officer was less than helpful.  National City had commercials all over the t.v. at that time bragging about how they were the number one growing bank in America.  I told my loan officer that all the bragging that their commercials do on their growth is maybe nothing to brag about if they can't handle the new business any better than this.  He actually had the nerve to smart off back by saying that maybe I should have taken my business to a smaller bank then.  Oh yeah, it's my fault that their bank keeps sending back my on-time house payment because they can't seem to get my loan processed in 3 MONTHS.  The last straw was when the phone rang one night after 3 months of battles with National Shitty (my wife came up with that one, thanks Andi) and it went like this.

National Shitty Rep-Yes, I am calling for National City about your delinquent account.

Me-Excuse me?

National Shitty Rep-Your house payment is over 60 days past due.

My head did something like this.  I actually pictured more with the top of my head blowing off and my eyeballs popping clear out of my head but you get the idea.

I literally turned into Steve Martin from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles in the funniest minute and a half in cinematic history.



National Shitty Rep-Um.

Me-Yeah, I have mailed my payment ON-TIME every month and you guys aren't processing it.  It keeps getting mailed back to me with the words "loan not processed" on it.

National Shitty Rep-Oh.

Me-Yeah, "oh".  So help me God if you mail my payment back to me again and I get another call from you F**Kers calling me delinquent.  This better not be destroying my credit rating.  F**KING HATE NATIONAL CITY!

So after a few other cuss word laced pleasantries, I hung up with that poor sap who was just doing his job and turned my attention to the real asshole in this equation, my loan officer.  I promptly called him the next day and loudly shared with him the details of the phone call from the night before.  I demanded proof that this was not affecting my credit rating and an assurance that they were going to start keeping my house payments.  I was offered no apology, just indifference and more snide comments.  I did actually get a statement from them that showed this was not going on my credit rating and the next month, they actually KEPT all 3 months of my house payments.  Well, National Shitty Bank sold out to PNC Bank and I was quite relieved that I didn't have to deal with those incompetents until the phone rang one day. . . 

PNC Rep-Mr. Case?


PNC Rep-I am just calling because we have not received your mortgage payment yet for this month. 

Me-Is it even due yet?

PNC Rep-Well no, but it takes a week to process and we haven't received it.

Me-Well, then why are you calling?

PNC Rep-Because it takes a week to process.

Me-Well, it's already been mailed.  I don't know what to tell you.

PNC Rep-Is there anything we can do to help you to make this payment?


PNC Rep-Okay, but I need to get all of your information.

Great, now I have a new incompetent bank to deal with.  I literally had to give them all of my information which they already have.  It was literally 20 minutes of my life gone for a payment that was out in la la land.  I let this go without too much anger until the next day. . .RING!!

PNC Rep-Mr. Case?


PNC Rep-I am just calling because we have not received your mortgage payment yet for this month. 

Me-You have got to be kidding me.  You guys just called yesterday.

PNC Rep-Is there anything we can do to help you to make this payment?

Me-It's made.  We mailed it Monday AS I SAID YESTERDAY, you just haven't received it yet.

PNC Rep-Okay I will mark it off as "in transit" but I'm going to have to get all of your information.

So, I had to give all of my information AGAIN.  I truly think they make you go through this 10 minutes of regurgitating all of this information to get you to mail in your payment early to avoid having to go through this EVERY day on a payment that wasn't even late yet.  Now, I have to get Andi working on a derogatory moniker for PNC Bank.  Private Nuisance Caller Bank.  To me,  it's Pay Now Corey Bank.  Anyone got any other ideas? 

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