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Sunday, September 4, 2011

Well If It's Good Enough For Rover, Then It's Too Good For Me

Here is something that has bugged me for awhile.  When my kids were babies, we would buy them the Johnson & Johnson's Baby Shampoo.  They stressed on their label that it had the "no tears" formula.  Their commercials at that time made sure to point this out too.

Sure enough like magic, the wizards at the Johnson & Johnson magic castle had done it.  This shit really worked.  I could wash my babies as haphazardly as I wanted with the stuff and "woila", no screaming and no tears.  Hell, they even make this kind of shampoo for your pets.  See.

Well, I love my dog to death as you can probably tell from my previous posts, but I am not really that worried about him bawling in the shower.  Maybe my lack of concern comes from him shitting his pants in the living room one too many times.  All I know is that when it's bath time for him, your main objective is just trying to keep him corralled in the tub, not handing him a tissue.  But I digress.  Now for the part I have a hard time with.  If the technology is there (and it is, I've seen it), then why the Hell doesn't all of our shampoo have the tearless formula?  Do we as adults like the feeling of 100 needles poking us in the eyeballs at the same time?  Are we expected to savor that kerosene poured directly in the eye socket feeling just because we don't shit our pants anymore?  I bet it's only a matter of time before we see a product that truly dares us to "be a man".

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