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Friday, October 28, 2011

Don't Swim With Your Mouth Open, EVER!

Last Summer, we took the kids to Clinton Beach for the first time.  Callahan didn't know that we even had a beach, yet enough one as nice as this one.  He described it as almost feeling like he was on vacation as we had been to several beaches for our last few vacations.

It used to be filled with lots of drinking and rowdiness.  I don't mean that in a "Holier than thou" way because to be honest, many times I was right there in the middle of the drinking and rowdiness.  It kinda looked like this.

I think we had less inflatable dolls and DJ's, though, and more redknecks with $5 grills and Old Milwaukee.  When I was in high school, the beach was a perfect place to check out and occasionally even meet girls from other towns.  One time, I was out there in the water with a girlfriend and she had her back to the lake.  Unfortunately for her, she couldn't see the turd tugboat floating up behind her.  

A better man would have stayed and escorted his woman from that disgusting scene but too bad for her, she was dating me (for the time being anyway).  I ran away like Spaulding from Caddyshack.

Now, the Beach is all cleaned up and very family friendly.  To get Callahan to go in the water, we had to tell him a little, white lie.  We told him that the buoys floating out there not only marked the swimming boundaries, but had a net attached to them to keep fish from getting into the beach area water.   Our lie worked great until this Summer when we were there and he swam out to the buoys with me.  The first thing he said was, "Hey, there is no net here."  I had to come clean.  He was okay with it then as we did not encounter Jaws or even Nemo on our swim out or back.  Then I had a funny Callahan moment like at the State Fair when he paused before walking through one of those cooling off misting stations with his bottled water and said, "Daddy, is it okay if my water gets wet?".  Well, at the beach, he asked me where he should go pee.  We were way down the beach from the bathroom, so I told him to just move over away from me a ways and go.  He looked at me like I was crazy.  I explained to him that fish pee and poop in it all the time and that we swim in it so no one would know.  So, he quietly slipped about 15 feet from me and next thing I knew, I heard VERY loudly "AAAAAHHHH".  Then, I turned to see him with his hands behind his head in the most obvious urination pose I've ever seen. Then as he wrapped up the proceedings, he yelled to everyone within earshot. . . 

So much for being discreet.  I guess I forgot to explain that fish don't announce it, they just go.  I also may have forgotten to explain that this is just okay to PEE for us even though fish do both.  So if you happen to be out there with your girlfriend, keep her back to the water and be ready to run, just in case.  Oh my God, I just opened myself up to a thousand "Justin Case" name jokes in the comments, didn't I?

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