My Blog List

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Hey, There's Something Yellow On Your Shoulder

A while ago, we had a family get together at our house with Andi and the kids and then my parents, siblings and nieces and nephews.  After it was over, there were a few stragglers that stayed behind.  We were all sitting in my living room talking and somehow the subject of earwax came up.  I guess the topic of asshole lint had expired itself or something.  Anyways, I happened to mention that sometimes a little ball of wax will just fall out of my ear.  Nothing like this mind you.

 If I was a stand-up comedian, this is the point you would have heard crickets chirping.  They all looked at me like I had just told them that I liked to have relations with the dog when everyone else goes to bed.  I swear they were about to pack my bags and ship me off to live with the other freaks in our own colony at Ear Wax Island.  Now I'm not talking enough wax to mold a candle.  Besides, that doesn't work anyway.

Well, after the disgusted stares died down, I was finally able to change the subject.  The evening was saved and I wasn't driven out of town by angry mobs with torches.  Now for the kicker.  Throughout the rest of the evening then, EVERY single person in that room (and you know who you are) pulled me aside at some point to tell me that "yes, the earwax thing has happened to them, too".  Well ain't that the shits.  That makes me wonder if Benedict Arnold wasn't just shunned from an earwax admission instead of that whole "traitor" thing.  

Or maybe the Bible doesn't quite have that whole "Judas" thing right either.

I was just amazed that no one had my back.  I suppose in other circumstances, they would whisper to me in my hospital bed.  "I had your back in that fight, buddy, as I was ducking behind that car.  If he had tossed your torso in that direction, I woulda pulled you to safety."  I learned my lesson, though.  Forget religion and politics, evidently earwax is the taboo topic.  So, be warned.  If the situation ever comes up, there is no good way to approach the subject.  No matter how eloquently you attempt to discuss earwax, that whole topic is just like polishing a turd.  But wait, you CAN do that.


No comments:

Post a Comment