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Friday, March 16, 2012

Guess Who's Back?

I got up the other morning to a familiar sound that about had me scrambling for the eardrum gouger.  No, it wasn't Shatner singing Eminem.

It was caused by my old nemesis from last Spring.  He is a dastardly foe.  He's got the roar of a lion, strength of ten men, and courage of a tailgunner.  I muttered to myself "Heeee's baaaacckkk."  I say "he" but for all I know it could be a "she".  Where do you look for a wiener on these things anyways?

Some of you may be saying to yourself "What's the big deal?  It's just a little birdie".  It's the audio version of the Chinese water torture.

Peck, peck, peck.  What the Hell did Plankton just say?  Where is Squidward going?  I couldn't hear it over that incessant tapping on the glass.  It never ends.  Wonder why Edgar Allen Poe was so f**ked up?

The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more."
You know he was talking about a Goddam bird, right?  A lice wearing, car shitting bird.  I have proof right there that they have at least been bugging the shit out of people for almost 200 years.  Menace!  Scourge!  They eat worms you know.  How weird is that?  You can judge for yourself how annoying this is from the video I shot of this miscreant last year.

Now this video is only a minute so multiply that times 900 waking minutes in a day and you can understand why this year I may have to hire an assassin.  Yes, a birdie hit man.  Not sure what they charge but I don't think I will go over $4.17 if you know anyone.  Let's just check the want ads.  I want the right man for the job.  Don't want to take any chances.  Ah, yes, sir you got the job. 

Could you possibly get your hands on another rocket launcher.  You know just to be sure.  I already know he's not right so I don't want him just wounded and looking for revenge.  After all, remember the Holy Grail?


  1. sorry the damn bird is back but since Andi posted about it - I've been on the edge of my comfy couch waiting for you to blog about it

  2. You have a nice pond. Maybe I could show the birdie pictures from your blog and coax him up your way.

    1. And I almost forgot. Justin put in the world's largest in-ground bird bath, also. Hmmmmm.