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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What's In A Name?

My previous blog post covered the importance of a good slogan in advertising but there's a lot to say for the business's (hard not to say "business's's's's", isn't it) name, too, though.  This past weekend, I went on the junior high band trip to Six Flags in St. Louis where I witnessed a kid in my group who forgot "change into shoes" decide to purchase flip flops at the park.  His feet must have been really hurting from the band shoes because he paid $18 for what looked like dollar store quality flip flops.  I'm not knocking little Hyong Kim's quality of work in the sweat shop but more making a point of ridiculous prices.   After violently tugging at the plastic tie holding the price tag to the toe divider (I totally thought he was gonna break these before even getting out of the store), he put them on.

Yes, he did wear these with socks.

Does the thought of socks getting squished between your toes by the flip flop toe separator give anyone else the vapors?

Well, his spending was his parent's problem.  I was here to keep my child from blowing the family fortune ($87 and some change) on frivolous items.  On that note, Lukah only wanted a pretzel for supper at the park.  HOT DAMN!  I'm getting off cheap.  Okay college kid whose selfish parents are making her work on weekends instead of just footing the whole college bill, that will be 1 pretzel with cheese and a coke.  Ring me up.

"That comes to $12.74, sir.  Would you like a napkin?"

"Yeah, you better give me a couple thousand because I'm planning on not buying napkins for the next year or so to help offset the cost of that pretzel.  Good God, you got Wolfgang Puck back there twisting these things or what?"

"What's a Wolfgang Puck, sir?"

"Shutup before I beat you with an $18 flip flop."

Jesus H. Christ, at these prices, they should be able to afford the other 44 flags in no time.  I'm guessing you could get your flip flops and pretzels much cheaper in these stores that were all over down there.

Talk about truth in advertising.  They better be ready to follow up on that bold claim.  If I get in there and the shit ain't dirt cheap, there's gonna be hell to pay.   I'm talking "Honey, hold my teeth.  Put 'em up manager" hell to pay.  Actually, I had never heard of these stores and thought it was kinda funny for some reason.  I'm weird like that.  It reminded me of a long ago shuttered restaurant that I used to see whenever I was driving back to college at Eastern Illinois University a hundred years ago.  I'm sure many of you used to see it at Arcola, IL right before you got on Interstate 57.

Hmmm.  Wonder why it went under.  Maybe the sign wasn't just a clever paradox after all.  You know what else I noticed then after I saw the Dirt Cheap store was a Red Roof Inn next to it.

I'll be damned, it really does have a red roof.  If I owned that chain, I would put different colored roofs on all of them, none of which being red.  Ya' know, just to f**k with ya'.  This got me thinking, though.  What if other hotel chains changed their names to just describe a physical quality of their own hotels. Holiday Inn could become "Gouged Drywall Inn", Motel 6 could become "Semen Sheet 6", and Budgetel could become "Policeevidenceoncarpetel".   Hmmmm.  Maybe they just better stick with their original names after all.

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