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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Debbie May Do Dallas, But Corey Does Chi-Town (Day 1)

Well, July 12-14 we took the kids on a mini-vaca since we had already taken a major one to Disney in February.  We stuck close to home by just going to Chicago.  On Thursday morning, we got up bright and early and were on the road to the Museum of Science and Industry by 8 a.m.  This is the middle of the night to the Cases.  We hadn't been there in a long time.  So long in fact that Lukah (14 now) was a tiny, tiny baby whose head bobbed along in the front of the stroller.  This is a picture of her at the time (faux-hawk and all).

I saw a young, hoodlum with backwards hat and ripped jeans looking at her repeatedly.  I was preparing myself to fight off a potential kidnapping attempt when I heard him tell his roughian friends, "That is the cutest baby I have ever seen."  Ah, so someone was right about that whole book-judging-cover thing.  TRUE STORY.

For me going to Chicago and seeing the Braidwood Inn from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles along the way on I-55 is a major highlight of the trip.  To the kids, not so much.

I'll be damned, the moon landing was faked.  It must have been shot at the Museum of Science and Industry.  And I never noticed before how much Neil Armstrong looks like a teenage girl.

The kids were just leaning against this rail for a picture when this Goddam submarine ruined the shot by pulling up and asking for directions to Lake Michigan.

Lost bastards.

A hot chick we saw at the museum.

Model city of Chicago.

Jesus Christ!  My model train only came with a plastic tree and one f**kin' cardboard house.

A model of the building that the little girl slid down in Adventures in Babysitting.  The model looks more real.

A robot that would take a picture of your face and then do a dance that you programmed in.  I found it really ironic that the robot didn't have "the robot" as a dance choice.

The last time we were at the museum of Science and Industry, the only food you could get was a cardboard hamburger or a cardboard hot dog.  Now there is an actual food court with actual chefs.  Cal is eating stir fry that he got to pick the ingredients and then watch the chef cook while the chef watched for hot women to walk by readily pointing them out to us in line.  Thank God, my daughters didn't walk by or I might have had to cook up a plate of whoop ass.

Remember the amazing Colleen Moore Fairy Castle dollhouse?

I just imagine that her dad gave her this and said, "There.  Now don't touch it EVER!  I worked my ass off on that damn thing."

I wonder what normal people's vacation photos look like.

Mikah got to be part of the Liquid Nitrogen experiment where they made ice cream with it.  The woman said that if she dipped her hand in the Nitrogen and then hit it on the table, her hand would shatter.  Ice cream sucked, show us the hand thing, bitch.

Overall, the museum was pretty disappointing.  We paid $70 for the 5 of us to get in there and it only took us 3-4 hours to see everything.  Let me rephrase that-to see everything that was included in the admission price.  There was plenty more to see if you wanted to pay extra (Coal Mine, Mythbusters exhibit, inside the submarine, WOW tour, Omnimax, and Smart Home).  I felt like my admission pretty much just got me in the door to pay for other admissions.  I hadn't been in 14 years.  That sounds about right, so I guess I'll see them again in another 14.  By then, I'll probably have to pay an admission to pay an admission to pay an admission.

So after the museum, we headed to Navy Pier since we had never been there before.  It has shops and some rides down by the water front in kind of a carnival atmosphere.  It was pretty neat and one of the few places left in the country that you can walk around outside with a beer.

There was a FREE stained glass museum that you walk through that went on forever.  I have never been around so much stained glass without having to sit through a boring sermon.  Oh shit, I am going to Hell.  Sorry God, uh, I mean "Oh crap, I am going to Heck".  Jordan be thy name.

This ferris wheel was so huge that I imagined once they got it full, the park hours would be over. They would just have to toss you a blanket and a pillow to hold you 'til the next day where they would then unload the big wheel.

There was actually a sailboat regatta (that's "race" for you fellow hillbillies) going on while we there which was pretty cool to see in person.  I tried watching this sport on t.v. once back in the 80's when that Conner guy kept winning the America's Cup but found myself repeatedly turning the channel to see what the Hell Alf was up to.

I couldn't believe there was a lighthouse.  I guess there needed to be something to keep the ships from driving through the Museum of Science and Industry asking for directions.  Then it was off to the Double tree by Hilton for swimming and resting up for the Cub game the next day.  By the way, I took a shit in the pool bathroom and I'll be Goddam if the end of the toity roll wasn't folded into a fancy triangle.  Those Hilton's even shit fancy.  I got done and felt obligated to redo the end of the roll for the next log layer.  Son of a bitch, I was just trying to shit, not do an origami project.


  1. no other family takes their family vacation photos like that. 0___0 we're the weird family, only we do. DURRRRRR POPCORN DUUUUR

  2. HAHAHAHAHA. We are the weird family.