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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

10 More Observations (Part 3)

1.  How come on t.v. when they say "everyone is talking about it", I've never heard anyone mention whatever it was they were talking about EVER!

2.  Ever notice how "tourist" and "terrorist" sound so much alike?  Do you think there has ever been a foreigner detained at the airport for calling themselves a "tourist"?

3.  Why do the Kardashian girls over-emphasize and drawl every third or fourth word?  "The way they TAAALK drives me CRAZYYYY.  I want to GOOUUGE out my EEAARRDDRRUUMMSS with a number 2 PENNCILL!"  Seriously listen to Kourtney talk starting at the 20 second mark.


4.  Why do people think that just because they preface it with "No offense but. . . " that they are then free to insult you with no hard feelings?  "No offense, but it seems since graduation that you have added a small cow to your body weight."

5.  I love those male enhancement pill commercials where they say to call a doctor if you have an erection lasting 4 hours or longer.  4 HOURS OR LONGER, F**K CALLING A DOCTOR.  THAT'S AMAZING, I'M CALLING MY F**KIN' FRIENDS!

6.  Why do hotels and casinos (and hotel casinos for the double whammy) always have the ugliest, gaudiest carpet that you would NEVER put in your house.  This is the actual carpet from our Doubletree Hotel on our trip to Chicago last week.  I swear I just expect to stare at it like one of those Magic Eye posters and all of the sudden I'll see a whale or something.

7.  How many more trees would there be in the world if it wasn't for Publisher's Clearing House?  I got 2 different ones in the mail on the same day.  This is the pile from all of the inserts.

It makes me weep for poor Akwa (click, whistle, click) Bugwola in the rain forest.

8.  It annoys me the way they wrap presents on t.v. and movies.  They always wrap the box and the lid separately so the recipient just has to take the wrapped lid off the box to get to the present.  I mean really, who the f**k wraps this way?  I am excusing it on this clip because it is from the greatest show ever made "Saved By The Bell" but watch starting at minute 3:02 to see what I mean.

9.  Okay, it's official.  I have the coolest mom ever.  This was her Easter bonnet this year and I'm not even joking.  Sort of canceled out the Easter prayer, though.

10.  Who needs acid or heroin when you can look at this stuff?

Seriously, that is freaking amazing.  These really aren't moving.  It's an eye trick.  I've never been so dumbfounded and want to throw up so badly at the same time in my life.


  1. In regards to #5 : please do not call me.

    Thank you.


    1. Okay, I'll just call you every time I have a normal erection then.

    2. I guess i'll only hear from you when Brokeback Mountain reruns are airing......