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Monday, March 25, 2013

And new from Stompeez®. . .

Do you hate when your parents tell YOU when it's YOUR bedtime?  Sure they can stay up drinking Margaritas and beer bongs to unwind from their day but YOU have to lie down without so much as a tequila shot.  Break your piggy bank for our new Birdeez® and let the slippers show them your dissatisfaction.



How do they work, you ask?  Just slip your feet in, get pissed at friends and family, stomp off in a huff and let our slippers do the rest.  When you step down, little cartoon talking mice crank a big wheel to make the finger go up.  Oh clam up, you're just a kid, like you would really understand the hinges and compressed air explanation.


If you are wondering where the idea for these came from, it was actually the original prototype for the modern day Stompeez®.  

Our founder, Gus R. Stompee, in 1846 fashioned a pair of slippers out of the remains of a down and out transient for his daughter to wear in her drafty bedroom.  Just from pure coincidence, the slippers reflect the transient's last gesture to Gus for not giving him a penny for some rat jerky.


Little Adelaide Stompee, 1846.

After the Switchblade Stompeez® debacle that occurred in the Dover Juvenile Hall courtyard, we decided to go back to our roots.  



Okay, actually all of the lawsuits forced us to lay off our creative team (who let's face it, kinda dropped the ball on that promotion anyways).  Nevertheless, what kid hasn't wanted to tell their parents to cram it at some point or another.  What better way to show your dissatisfaction with a Christmas gift?  Without using the word doodyhead and getting slapped around on Christmas Day that is.  Don't flip them the double bird, let our slippers do it for you.


Yeah, gee.  These new slippers are much better than an XBox.

Don't worry.  If you leave your slippers at home, there is still just the old fashioned way.  Just be prepared to go into the fake nose scratch if you get caught.  Birdeez® is not responsible for groundings, dessert missings, or premature bedtimes.


And coming soon from our print division. . .

Have you ever seen the arrogance of those drivers with the "Honor Student" bumper stickers?  I mean pretty much these days, if you don't stab someone that quarter, they put you on the honor roll, right?  So, who's really impressed?


Then there was the humorous rebuttal bumper stickers that soon followed.


Well, we have done them one better (or actually 3 better).  Why does schooling have to be the only benchmark for pride?  Can't I be just as proud of my kid for finding a stack of 1980's Playboys in the neighbor's garbage or rolling the best "J"?  That's why we proudly offer these alternatives for jr.'s disfunctional lifestyle.

Pre-order TODAY!


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Insult Letter #14

Okay, it is technically my sister's turn on the insult slinging and has been for close to 2 YEARS but I have had one waiting in the wings so long, I decided to go ahead and use it!  I wrote this one so long ago that I actually had to retrieve it from my disc archives to even bring it back to life.  Good thing it was about Nike products and not Twinkies or it would have been obsolete by now.  Anyways, let's see if she can take her broken wing (she just had rotator cuff surgery) and one finger peck out a rebuttal on the keyboard.  Nah, I'm sure this will just be her excuse to take another 2 years.