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Friday, September 25, 2015

For all you senior citizen drivers out there. . .

Have you been driving since the Model T was the "it" car to have?  Are your sketchy kids telling you to hang up your driving cap and goggles because they are worried you will get confused and lost before reaching your final destination?  After taking them over your knee, tell them to quit worrying because Garglin® brand GPS has taken all of the guess work out of driving for the elderly or Hell, even the legally blind with our new. . .
Just find someone with enough strength left in their body to open the package for you.  Then try to work up some saliva to stick the suction cup to the windshield (if not, denture cup water works just as well).  Get 9 or 10 of your fellow nursing home cronies to help lift it onto the suction cup.  Finally, coerce your 4 year old great grandchild to program it for you and you're off.  It's just that easy.

I mean why should you quit driving just because you're old?  I bet there's still some stuff left on your block that you haven't even hit yet.  And why limit yourselves to just blocking the aisles at the grocery store. . .

when you prune-faced geezers could also be blocking lanes of traffic with tales of your health woes and stories about the time your grandchild made you a potholder out of an old sock?

So load up, set the GPS for Heaven (or Hell, you dog you) and visit all of your old friends.  Pay no never mind that you can't actually see out the windshield anymore but let's face it, at your age and level of eyesight, does that really even matter anymore.

However if ridiculous things like "seeing" or "knowing your surroundings" are important to you when you are driving, you may want to purchase our new accessory, the Garglin Periscope® .

Garglin® is not responsible for black permanent marker rings around eyeballs by drunk friends who think they are funny.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Smelly Cat

In honor of us going back to California in a few days and revisiting the Friends set at the WB Studios,

I learned Smelly Cat on guitar last night to possibly WOW our tour group. They were less impressed last time with my fake singing pose and fat, old, hairy Phoebe impression.

As long as I don't get tackled and wedgied by some burly security guards, maybe next week I can post footage of me actually playing Smelly Cat on that guitar on the Central Perk stage. Fingers crossed. I'm sure Chandler would BE so excited if I played it. That's me "doing" Phoebe "doing" Chandler.  Anyways, here is my Smelly Cat.


Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
They won't take you to the vet.
It's obvious you're not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses.
And you're no friend of those with noses.
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.